


No Reason At All

by AJ_MOON28



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Consensual Sex, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:09:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25106734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJ_MOON28/pseuds/AJ_MOON28
Summary: Dean figures stuff out about himself.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. FORGIVENESS

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first only Dean POV fic. I'm not sure if I like the end. I'm in a weird place right now. Maybe it'll be updated, maybe I just leave it, who knows.
> 
> I suck at writing smut so please be nice about it.
> 
> I don't own any of the characters.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and thanks to Anu for reading first.

Why are things always so hard on him? That's what he wonders for the millionst time this day alone.  
Why can't he do anything the easy way like Sam does? Why does he always have to get angry or drunk or both? And why is it always his family who gets the whole shitshow blown in their faces? They don't deserve that, well they don't deserve to get stuck with his sorry as. He doesn't deserve them, their attention, their caring or whatever. He is a grunt and he knows it.  
So why do they keep him around? Why doesn't he have the balls to just leave?

It's not like he never tried. He did. When the Mark burned in his veins, his being, his soul.  
It almost burned away everything that he was.  
He thought becoming a Demon, well Knight of Helk actually, not that's important or anything, had been bad. But no. The actual lowest, darkest and most bad point was just before he had been cured from the Mark.

He had been ready to kill himself, had been ready to be killed by Death (yes the horseman), even had been ready the one most valuable person in his life in order to been taken far away.

He really tried to stay away. It wasn't the first time but it was the worst.  
What he did on his way out of the Bunker still pains him. Not the Rudy thing though. Sure that was bad but he could put that one on Rudy and the influence of the Mark yelling for blood.  
But the other thing? That was all on him. It had been so damn close. He so damn close to make the worst mistake ever made in human history.

Even now, years later, nightmares of the bloddy face stalked him. Nightmares of his hand making the face bloddy, nightmares of the blade NOT missing the goal.  
So why the people around him keep up with him was a large mystery to him.  
Maybe they don't know any better. Or maybe it was just Chuck forcing them. Or maybe, just maybe the might even care about him. But that one was highly vague. Sam surely did care till one point but not as much as he did. Sam had proven how he thinks about him on more than one occasion throughout the years since he had taken Sam away from Stanford 

Dean thinks about that often. What would've happened if he never got Sam? But lately, well since the whole Mark thing, Sam had kinda changed. Just slightly. Not the full "I'm a new person" crap of change. No, Sam got more determined to their cause. He cam to finally accept the hunter life, even to like it. Although Dean knows that deep down Sam still wishes for a normal life. Hell Dean does too. But they don't do normal so here is that.

As Dean lays on his bed with headphones and his favorite tunes, like he tends to do since they had found their final home in the Bunker, his thoughts circle around.  
Around everything, people, half people, non people, Chuck, choices, if there really is something like "Free Will" and so much more. Round and round his thoughts go until he has enough. Three billion times a day is the definition of enough.

Dean gets up maybe food and a beer will peace his mind a little. He doubts it but it's worth a shot. Getting drunk never really had helped but he did it anyways. And if it was just to silence is head for a little so be it. Sue him.

Something he realizes right in that moment. He hasn't been in a bar for ages! It's not like there weren't any bars around the Bunker, it's not that he couldn't take Baby for a drive and get drunk in some joint. To his surprise he understands he doesn't need that anymore. Lately he sticks to the Bunker, to the people close to him.

Then another realization hits him. When was the last time he had a girl? Dean thought hard. Was it the time they caught the "Werepries"? He refused to call these douchebags anything else.  
That can't be right! There must've been a girl or woman, whatever after that. Maybe the witch that hexed him with a love spell? Though he can't even remember if they did the do.

Dean wraps his head around that one. Could it be? The last woman he kissed? Could it be that it was Amara? For real? No wait, there was the nice lady when claire got bit by a werewolf. Not a memory Dean likes to remember.  
But that would mean he hadn't have sex in HOLY HELL three years! What the hell?

What even surprises Dean more is that he doesn't miss the one night stands or the random pick ups in a bar. Sure, he still got it, tests it out on any occasion. He simply isn't interested in that anymore. That really gets him. Why isn't he interested in awesome sex with a hot lady? Something must be wrong with him. Oh no! Don't let it be an age thing. He is way too young for that, barely scratched fourty.  
Or could it be that Dean's aim suddenly shifted a little more to long term? Or maybe the hunter life finally got to him and his body simply accepted that he would never have that kind of relationship with a so called "civilian"? Dean doesn't really know.

The first sip of beer does the trick, stops his racing mind from strangling itself to death. Dean is alone in the kitchen for now but he knows it will stick only until he starts cooking. A thing he discovered to like soon after they had moved in. He really likes cooking, likes nurturing people with food.  
Who would've thought? Neither of his parents really cooked. It did scare him the first two times how much he liked it but he came to see it as something very good. Something that makes him feel good without being drunk or having a lady under him or on top, whatever.

The bacon sizzles in the pan for some.secends when Sam steps into the kitchen.  
"Morning."  
"Heya Sammy."  
Dean only hears a grumpy muffled "It's Sam" from behind and smiles to himself. Yepp, he loves to tease his little brother with that and will probably never stop. Actually no, he won't ever stop, not as long as he has the chance to do it. And he knows Sam won't stop either. Period. That's who they are, how their brotherhood works. At least one thing that's normal in their lifes, Dean thinks.

Soon after Sam Jack enters the kitchen. Dean turns the oven off, puts the bacon on a plate and places it on the table. He looks at Jack, Jack with a returned souls Dean remembers.  
Jack's eyes are red. He probably had cried all night, the poor kid. It was a hard one for the kid to get his soul back. Especially since he still had every memory from when he didn't have a soul.  
Dean remembers how upset Sam had been back then, when he only remembered one thing from.his soulless self with Samuel. Dean knows Sam remembers everything since Cas had broken the wall.  
Maybe Jack and Sam would profit from a conversation about it. It might even help the guilt ridden kid.

In that moment something inside of Dwan clicks. Ha can't find it in himself to be mad at Jack anymore. Looking at Jack standing there, eyes red, big sacks under them, tears still lingering in there, not even able to look Dam nor Dean in the face, Deab feels nothing but love for the kid. He knows he has forgiven Jack.  
"Morning Jack." Dean says with the most not grumpy voice he can manage.  
Jack lightens up a little, pulls his gaze from the floor and looks directly to Dean. Dean sees, he sees a speck of hope lurking in Jack's eyes.  
Oh damn! This is hard. Dean wants to say something nice, something reassuring but how do you say "hey I know you killed my mom but you were soulless so it's cool man"? Because if he opens his mouth something exactly like that will come out.

Dean doesn't have to. Sam, always the more emotional one, rescues the situation.  
"Good morning Jack."  
Sam smiles towards the kid, gets up and does the most simple thing. He pulls Jack in for a tight fatherly hug.  
Where did Sam learn to give those? Dean wonders surely not from Dad. Dad wasn't a hugger. Dean could count on one finger how often dad had hugged either of his sons.

Dean knows Sam loves the kid with all of his big heart, like he was really his father. And it shows. Jack embraces the hug and let's it all go. Tears, Dean can't see but knows they are there, are cried into Sam's flannel. Soothing words are whispered into Jack's ear from.Sam and after a moment Jack relaxes, calms down.

Dean is so cought in that little moment that he doesn't notice the other figure leaning against the doorframe at the entrance of the kitchen. If he didn't know any better he would say the Angel looks relieved.

Cas catches Dean's gaze, as always with the angel it sticks way too long to call it a gaze. By now Dean knows how to interpret every one of Cas' expressions, not that they were obvious. After knowing Cas for eleven years, has it been that long already?, dean knows what every eyebrow raise, every tiny little smile, every blank stare means. The expression on the Angels face shows satisfaction also a plead towards Dean. Dean knows what Cas whishes to see. For once, yeah really once, Dean wishes to respond in the whsihed manner. He wishes to respond in the way he knows is right. So after Sam let go of Jack Dean makes his way over to Jack. For the first time since before Jack lost his soul maybe for the first time ever, Dean lays his arms around Jack and hugs him. He has his kid back.  
Dean finally realizes jack is family. He had struggled with that for so long. Now it's Chrystal clear to him.

Jack embraces the hug but a bit more hesitant than with Dam. Dean can't blame him.  
"It's alright kid, everything is alright. You have your soul back. My son you are back."  
Dean wonders where these words come from. Deep down he feels they are true.  
Jack's grip gets a bit tighter, he sniffles a little, looks up to Dean, worrying. Dean knows there is no hint of a doubt in his eyes for Jack to see.  
"Thank you Dean." Jack says and ends the hug.  
Dean nods to Jack.  
"Who wants breakfast?"


	2. THOUGHTS

To Dean's surprise even Cas digs into breakfast, a sign of his failing grace. Dean wonders how long Cas has till it all would be gone forever, till Cas would be fully human. Though this time Dean will do anything, everything in his power to help Cas to adapt, to support him. Never will he let Cas go through that alone again. Kicking Cas out of the Bunker back than is one if Dean's biggest regrets. But so god help him, Haha yeah right, this was Cas' home and Dean will make damn sure Cas knows.

Cas catches Dean staring and sends him an questioning look.  
Nope, Dean won't explain. The angel would just say something cheesy and hell no. That would ruin the bacon.  
Would it? Why was he still staring at Cas?

As usual Sam plays third wheel and clears his throat.  
"So Jack, maybe we could talk a little?"  
"About what?"  
"Get this. I was soulless once too. I might know a little, maybe even able to help. But only if you wish."  
"Ohhh. I didn't know that."  
"It's true Jack. Sam was in a cage in hell a couple of years back. I pulled him out but I couldn't get all of him so his soul stayed there. He was soulless for over a year."  
"You never told the story that way Cas."  
"I know. I was ashamed. But not anymore. Not after everything we've gone through together."  
"It's alright Cas. I forgave you a long time ago. I'm sure Deab did too, right Dean?"  
"Huh? Oh yeah. I think I forgave you when you gave up the souls from purgatory. I know you did what you thought was right back then."  
"Thank you. I was a fool though. So sure of myself. Glad I'm not that person anymore."  
"You're still a cocky son of a bitch." Dean winked.  
Everyone laughs a little. This is good. After everything, after the mess, this is good.

Sam and Jack take off after breakfast. Probably to talk somewhere more private. That leaves the remaining inmates of the bunker alone. Now a days Dean gets a little uncomfortable around Cas. It started after purgatory. Well purgatory 2.0.  
Dean doesn't regret the prayer. He never will. It made things almost right between Cas and him. Cas stayed after that. He only leaves the bunker for hunts, the occasional hell or heaven visit or to buy food.  
Still it was not quite back to old times between them. Dean understands. Which is rare now that he thinks about it. So he gives it time, also pretty rare. But Cas is Cas and what Dean had said to Cas after Rowena was really bad.

Dean didn't even mean to say that, that of all things. He didn't even knew that Cas remembered the hurtful thing Dean had said when they were searching for Mary. But Cas did remember, he remembered every damn single word.  
Dean knows all of his words are still imprinted in Cas' brain, lingering, lurking in the shadows, waiting for another hit.  
No Dean doesn't blame Cas for being careful.

Damn it was painful to see Cas leave.  
"I should move on" and no response to that from Dean still swirrel around in Dean's head with all the other horrible things he ever had said to people in his close vacinity. Dean even still hears the finality of the door closing right behind Cas' turning back. And Cas' pleading look to be stopped, the pain on his face. Yeah, Cas needs time to really forgive that one. For once Dean was happy to give it.

Sure, Dean had been mad at Cas for hiding the state of Jack's soul. Hell he had been mad at Cas for many other things. But this last fight, well it crossed a line between them and maybe there was no coming back.

Right now there is no hunt, nothing to do about Chuck so the four living members of the family business have the day off. Which is basically hell for Dean's circling thoughts. The circle and circle, never stop. Nothing really helps. No movie, no music no alcohol, nothing. It's a mess in his brain. Thinking about all the wrongs he did. Thinking about all the messes HE made. Thinking about all the chances he let slip because of it.

And then there is Cas. Cas in his mind, Cas being ripped apart bey leviathans, Cas having no memory, crazy Cas, Cas hiding from Dean in purgatory 1.0, Cas staying in purgatory, cas making the Angels fall, though that one wasn't really on him, Cas stealing grace to survive, Cas almost dying because stolen grace is not the same, Cas being there when Sam needed him the most, Cas saving Sam from Dean when he was a demon, Cas being ready to be killed just to stop Dean from.leaving when the Mark almost got too strong, Cas getting hexed by, damn, Rowena, Cas saying "yes" to Lucifer. That one was still unclear to Dean. Cas being tortured by Amara, well technically it was Lucifer but he wore Cas to the prom. And probably the worst, Cas being stabbed to death by Lucifer. His broken wings burned into the ground. That picture was burned in Dean's brain, would never be erased.  
Dean still feels that loss. But he also still feels the happiness when Cas stood right there at a phone booth telling he annoyed a cosmic entity. The tightest hug he ever had with Cas. Although he would never admit that. Cas was back, in all his glory, original trenchcoat and tie, it was like coming home.  
Sure the striped tie and shorter trench have been nice but the whole holy tax accountant outfit was way better.

Why is he still thinking about Cas?  
Dean needs some air. He writes a note for the three most important people in his life and leaves for a drive. Not sure where to go, jut go.

Somehow he manages to drive safe to a lake a couple of hours away from the bunker. Is it a coincidence that he lands at the lake from that one dream? Does he even care? It is a nice lake, it is quiet and it always helps to clear the fog in Dean's mind.

Dean sits on the wood, same point as in his dreams. The fresh air, subtexted with a hint of water definitely helps. It was the right call to come here. Maybe Dean will do this a little more regularly. Just sitting there is so relaxing.

After a while he gets a blanket out of Baby's trunk, spreads it over the wood and lays down on it.  
He watches the birds flying in the sky, the occasional bee saying 'hello', he smiles, bees have a deeper meaning and he watches the clouds.  
Really? Cloud watching? Man.  
But it's relaxing and no one sees him so it's okay. Dean wouldn't even mind if someone sees him.  
A moment later he thinks the clouds have nice shapes. There is one looking like a bear, one that looks like a wolf, a bunny, a dragon (not the real ones, they suck), a moose (oh hello Sammy), a squirrel (there is a universe where it all squirrels, why chuck?) and a bee. Dean's gaze glues to the cloud-bee until the shape is no more. Sad, it's sad that the cloud had to loose that shape. Bees are wonderful animals.

Another thought, well more like a picture, shoves itself up from the pits of Dean's mind. Bees. Why had it to be bees? Bees, the bees Cas loves to watch. Hell doesn't even only watch. He adores them.  
The picture that surfaces is disturbing. It's from the time Cas was crazy after taking the pain of Sam's memories of the cage.  
Bees everywhere. Bees on legs, bees on hands, bees on the chest, bees on other body parts. None of the parts has been clothed. The memory of Cas showing up naked, covered in bees. Urgh. Why that picture?

Dammit! He should not think about bees since it only turns his thoughts back to Cas. He came out here to clear his mind not to extra busy it with the damn angel.

It works for a while. Dean can ban Cas out of his mind for a minute or two but then another picture pushes over the bee picture.  
Cas, tortured by April yhe reaper, being stabbed right infront of Dean. Dean forgetting all about Sam who was knocked out. Dean having only eyes for Cas, dead. The rip in Dean's heart festered every time Cas died.  
The first time Dean didn't witness. Cas stayed with Chuck and got ripped apart by Raphael. Oh but the second time when Lucifer, wearing Sam to the prom, explodes Cas Dean was there, Dean saw. For a moment, after the ground closed behind the falling down Sam, Dean really felt alone. But Cas came back.  
The damn Leviathan fiasco, purgatory. Man Cas really has a tendency to die. Well he wasn't the only one. Dean long had lost count of how often Sam or he had died over the years.

Dean doesn't want to think about April. He really doesn't. He hates her and if he could kill her again he would stab her a thousand times. Not only for torturing Cas. Yeah that wasn't all of it.  
When Cas had said his time with April had been "educational" Dean felt something drop. Sam elaborated that being stabbed is a hard experience but then oh then Cas clearing it up with "And having sex."

Jealousy.  
It was pure jealousy that ran through Dean as he heard these words. Cas has had sex with April. A reaper. A fucking Reaper. He gave it up to a reaper. Yeah, Dean tried to push the jealous feeling down with joking but he knows now that he definitely was jealous. As he thinks about it he wonders why he would be jealous.  
It shouldn't bother Dean if Cas has swx. Hell Dean himself had tried to hook up Cas in a brothel once. Funny memory.

There wasn't only April. There was also Daphne. The chick who took care of Cas when he had no memories. Dean sometimes wonders if Cas had have sex with her. They were married, holy hell. Though Cas never said a word about her or him having sex with her.  
Then there was Meg. Damn that demon stole a kiss right infront of Dean. Cas even kissed her back. Dean now remembers that April wasn't the first one who got the jealousy thrown from Dean.  
Also Hannah. There definitely had to be something between them. But again, Cas never said a word.  
The thought alone that these "woman" might have seen Cas naked makes Dean's nail crawl upside down.

For fucks sake! He shouldn't even think about sex and Cas at the same time. What the hell is wrong with him?

Dean tries for a second time to push those pictures and thoughts away. It doesn't work.  
Dean can't fight anymore. Maybe it's time to resolve this. It's not like Chuck will suddenly leave them alone or anything. So why not solve it now? He gives in to the thoughts. He tells himself that it's okay to swirl in the thoughts simply to get over them and forget about it. He was sure, once he solved it, it will leave him alone.

Dean starts analyzing his recurring thoughts. All are swirling around Cas. Why? Dean thinks about Sam just to humor himself or in the hope that it would make no difference for his feelings. But oh, oh, OH, there is a difference. It's huge!  
While his feelings are strong for Sam, very strong, he is his brother after all, what he feels for Cas is not the same.  
Woah, what a surprise. Dean always thought he sees Cas as his best friend, his brother. While the first one is kinda true, the second one couldn't be more far off.


	3. HEART

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for reading so far.
> 
> This chapter will be slightly shorter. I even had yo cut 2 just to make it a little longer.
> 
> What can one do, sometimes the words flow and sometimes they don't.

Lying under the blue sky on a sunny day at his favorite place Dean realizes why he gets jealous about Cas, he realizes why it always crushes him more when Cas does than when Sam dies (this alone is soul crushing). And he realizes what an idiot he is for taking so damn long to understand.

It had been kinda clear since the day in that barn. Badass entrance, flying sparks, literally, smirking while being stabbed, like he couldn't care less, yeah Cas had it all! Dean had been lost that day. He simply didn't understand, didn't know, didn't believe, so he pushed it away, afraid of getting hurt, of being abandoned, he pushed it far away. But it always had been there.

He fucking loves Cas! Not as a brother, not as a best friend, way more than that.  
Well if that wasn't a huge surprise then the understanding that Dean doesn't care that Cas basically is a guy certainly is. Holy Shit!

Yeah sure, guys had flirted with him. Some were even kinda successful (no thank you very much) but damn. Had this been always a part of him? Or is it only Cas? Is it Cas who holds the key to Dean's broken heart, to heal it?  
Does it even matter? Dean can't find the motivation to care about it. He is so bummed about that he was basically gay for Cas, that he loved that damn socially awkward angel deeply, the rest is just foot notes.

Dammit, he really loves Cas. What the hell?  
Tears, he can't hold back, leave his eyes. Not sad or angry tears. They are happy. The dark clouds that had fogged his mind slowly dissapeared one by one.

Now that Dean knows there are still questions unanswered. Questions he probably can't answer alone. Does Sam know? Does Sam mind? Would Sam judge him?

Dean juggles these questions for a while. Yes to the first one Dean is sure Sam knows, has known for a while. That actually answers the other two questions with no. Sam doesn't mind nor judge. Dean is sure his brother will be nothing than supportive.

And then there is Cas. With his damn blue eyes piercing through Dean's soul. Yeah that motherfucker knows, even if he doesn't understand what he knows. And, if the lack of personal space counts for anything, Cas does mind nor care. Does Cas love him back?

There is only one way to find out. Dean needs to get his head out of his ass. Though now it doesn't seem to hard anymore. Dean feels like a weight has lifted, a weight he had carried for way too long. Maybe even before Cas.

A short thought back to lee shows what Dean suspected. He wasn't "gay" for Cas. He wasn't gay at all. Ohhhhh. Now that makes more sense.  
Dean would still love Cas if he was wearing a female vessel.

Dean realizes the last truth for today. He never was straight. He always had been bisexual. He tries the words out, loud to the forgiving nature around him.  
"My name is Dean Winchester, I'm bisexual and I love Castiel, angel of the lord."  
It feels good, feels right, feels like the missing piece of a pussle finally had been found. Wow! It feels great!

Full of energy, more than he had have in years, Dean gets back into his beloved Bany.  
"Hey Baby. Did you know? I love Cas."  
Baby's engine roars loud when Dean turns the key and Dean thinks her roar sounds happy. Maybe Baby has a soul after all.

The way home.is faster and easier than ever before. Dean's favorite tunes accompany him and he sings along. No one will ever hear his perfectly in tune singing this day except him and his Baby. This is the end of a very long painful road and Dean can't wait to see what lies ahead.


	4. ACCEPTANCE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shorter chapter. Sorry.

This sounded easier on the road than actually doing it. Dean parked Baby in the garage about ten minutes ago. He's still sitting behind the wheel. He never had been good with that chick flick crap.  
Dean has no doubts about his feelings, no doubts about the things he learned about himself. That's not the reason for his hesitation. He is simply kinda scared that after all Cas could say "no". Dean doesn't know if he could take that one. On the other hand he knows he has to give Cas at least the chance to choose. He owns him that much. Cas is everything so no matter how this might go, there is no way in hell that Dean won't accept it.

First things first. Before any of this goes down there is a conversation needed with Sam. Dean knows he can't do this without Sam's support. Period.

Dean takes a deep breath, leaves baby and finds his way to Sam's room. He knocks gently.  
"Yeah?"  
"Sammy, it's me. Can we talk?"  
Dean hears Sam huffing, probably wondering what could be so serious that Dean wants to talk. Dean can see the #bitchface through the closed door, he smiles. Yeah Sammy would get Dean's had in the right direction.  
"Dean? Okay, come in."  
Dean enters the room, closes the door and sits down on a chair near to Sam.  
"What is it Dean?"  
Sam actually looks concerned  
"I need you to understand some things about me."  
"What? There is nothing about you that I dont understand."  
Dean chuckles. "You're probably right. I'm telling anyways. So shut up and listen."  
"Fine."  
There it is, the legendary #bitchface.  
"I'mbisexualandi'minlovewithCas!" Dean blasts out.  
Sam raises one eyebrow, bitchface still active, then his face softens and he smiles fondly.  
"What took you so long?"  
"You knew?"  
"I'm not blind nor stupid."  
"Fair enough. You don't judge me?"  
"Why would I? You're my brother, no matter what."  
"What about Cas? Say, if he is on the same page, it's a big if, would you mind?"  
Now Sam really laughs.  
"No I don't mind. I'm happy. And by the way, there is no if."  
"Wait what?"  
"Oh uhm nothing. Go and tell him you big dummy."  
"Shut up bitch!" Dean smiles.  
"Good luck jerk." Sam smiles back.  
That wasn't hard at all.

Dean really hasn't been concerned about Sam's approval but hell hearing that he has it is a whole new level of peace.  
The shadows of the past where he had to be to good soldier, the tool, Daddys blunt instrument are fleeing from the light that is now in him. Hearing he is accepted the way he is, accepted despite who he loves, is even allowed to love gives him wings to fly.

When he is at Cas' door he can't even remember how he got there. It's all bliss, not even Amara was able to do that. And she is a Goddess.  
Though there is still Cas.

Dean stands there for five minutes and when he finally raises his hand to knock he hears the wonderful gravel voice from inside.  
"I know you're there Dean. Please come in."  
Why is he even surprised? The angel always knows. Dean opens the door.  
"Hello Dean."  
The usual greeting makes Dean smile, it's so Cas. Cas watches him, eyebrows knitted together as if he is trying to solve a riddle. It's so adorable. Dean has to force himself not to fly on Cas' lap and cover his body in dirty hot kisses.  
"Heya Cas."  
"Something is different. Are you alright Dean?"  
Damn, the bastartd really always knows. It's too cute when Cas worries. But today he doesn't need to.  
"I'm perfectly fine."  
For once that is not a lie. Dean can see in Cas' eyes that Cas knows it's true.  
"Why are you here?"  
Straight to the point, as usual. Dean takes a deep breath.  
"Can I sit down? This is not easy for me. I might pass out."  
Now Cas looks really worried.  
"Come on Cas, don't look at me like that. I'm fine, I swear. It's nothing bad, well I hope, I just need to get ot done."  
"I understand. Yes, please sit down."

The only tree space is right next to Cas on the bed. 'Well ain't that a bitch.' Runs through Dean's head. Of course he doesn't hesitate, not even for a second. Those days are over. Dean sits down close, very close, next to Cas. So close that their hips almost touch. 'Screw personal space' thinks Dean with a smile.

Cas looks curious about the lack of space nit doesn't complain. He doesn't say anything. Dean knows Cas is waiting for him to say what he wants to say, patient as always.  
How does a man confess his undying love to another man? Dean thinks about it for a second. Words are always a challenge. He might stumble a little. But Cas will understand and either tell him to leave, never come back or... or he won't say that.

Dean thinks 'It's now or never', smiles about the cheesy Elvis line but doesn't give a shit.  
"Cas, I'm...uhm...you know what, imma just gonna say it...I'm in love with you Cas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay with me guys, the tags aren't there for nothing.


	5. ENDGAME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to use the avengers title here. Don't worry no one turns into dust, this is a happy fic.

Cas' blue eyes are bluer than ever after that statement, deep feelings pouring out of them. Blue sapphires search through Dean's soul for a hint of trickery. Cas won't find one. Dean is an open book, he allows Cas to swallow all, allows Cas to burn his blue eyes into Dean's soul. He doesn't look away, not this time, never again if he has any say in it.

His angel needs a few moments to piece it all together.  
"Dean? I can sense that your words are true. I sense a change. I sense you are free. What happened?"  
"You are right. With everything. I can't really explain what happened. It just did. My heart always knew, my brain just took way too long to catch up."  
"Oh."  
Dean wants to be patient but well he is dying to know what Cas thinks about it.  
"Come on man, say something. I'm basically naked here."  
"You are not."  
Always pointing out the obvious.  
"Please Cas."  
It's hard not to roll his eyes but Dean manages.  
"I've never expected you to say that to me. You surprised me. But it's a good surprise. Because I feel the same way Dean. I'm in love with you too."  
"Really?"  
"Yesm I have been in love with you since I pulled your beautiful soul out of hell."  
"Oh Cas." Dean can't say more.  
Cas' words pull all the right strings his heart beats full of happiness strongly against his chest. Dean's eyes wander down to Cas' pinkish chopped looking lips.  
"May I kiss you Cas?"  
"That's the protocol after declaring one loves another I think. Yes please, kiss me Dean."  
Dean chuckles a little. Always with the technicalities.  
Cas tilts his head in his usual manner, dean only has eyes for Cas' blue eyes. Deep oceans of blue where Dean could drown, shining with unconditional love for the hunter who has always seen it there but never took it for what it was until now.

Before their lips can meet Dean has some final words.  
"I'm sorry it took me so long."  
The sapphires soften.  
"I'm glad it happens now."  
That settles it.

Before skin touches skin Dean closes his eyes. Touchdown. Lips on lips. Slowly, gently, a bit hesitated, full of understanding between them. As if Dean had never kissed anyone before.

Is that what you feel when kissing an angel? Or is it just that Dean finally kisses HIS angel? His angel who kisses him back.

The kiss deepens, not that it was possible but it does. Dean is on the verge of crying from happiness and they don't even use tongue yet. What the hell? Is he really that big of a sap? Hell yeah he is. And? He doesn't care anymore. He simply let's go.  
A single happy tear runs down his face. There is another one but not from him. Oh. He isn't the only sap in the room. Well if that's not encouraging than he doesn't know what is.

It's impossible for Dean to hold back his tongue any longer, the pull towards Cas is too strong. Dean needs something to hold on. Cas is his anchor. When he finally allows his tongue to lick over Cas' soft kissing lips it is the greatest feeling. A moment later Dean is blessed with a similar response from Cas' tongue.

Soon enough the tongues dance the tango. It's damn hot. Dean's hand wanders in Cas' hair. Thick strong locks roll between his fingers. Cas seems to think that this is a good idea. Soon Dean feels a gentle pull on his own hair.

Who ever invented nose breathing was a total genius otherwise Dean would've already died from lack of oxygen. Cas of course doesn't really need to breath.

One hand still in the others hair both parties explore the shape of the others body with the free handmade streaking over backs, petting arms, curassing the chest and neck. Up and down, not that far down, yet. The circle begins again.

Cas' lips aren't enough for Dean anymore, he needs to taste much more of Cas. His wonderful smell like a fresh summer breeze drives Dean nuts. Dean's lips Cas' sharp jawline and wander to Cas' neck. Necking is hot as hell and if Dean's weren't already hard as a rixj that surely would do it. Up and down Dean kisses and licks, hears soft moans from Cas. Also a whisper of his name.  
It's not pornographic, like loud moaning or name calling, no it's way more. Sure the louder stuff will follow but this is so much better than anything Dean ever had.

Cas uses both hands now to explore Dean and his tucking in Dean's flannel, well the buttons, makes it quite obvious that Cas has enough of the clothing. Dean can't argue that, it's friggin great idea. He moves back to Cas lips.  
While kissing the angel senseless Dean relives him of the damn trenchcoat and jacket. Before Dean is able to unbutton the white denim Cas relives him of the flannel. Dean is so fucking glad he didn't wear a jacket. Both men are on the same amount of layers now. Dean Jeans, shirt and boxers (socks don't count, thank you very much) and Cas white denim, trousers and underwear.

Cas has his hands first under Dean's shirt. The kiss is shortly broken in favor of getting the shirt out of the way.  
"Oh Dean, I wanted to do that for a very long time."  
"Yeah me too." With that Cas' denim disappears.  
Cas gently streaks over Dean's anti possession tattoo and for the first time ever Dean sees Cas' enochian warding tattoo in it's full glory.  
"Wow! It looks awesome."  
Cas smiles and his lips are on Dean again. It's his turn to fo.the necking now.  
"Cas." Dean breaths in the air while his hands explore all the exposed skin. He needs to touch every inch of Cas' wonderful tanned skin. How does he even keep it tanned? It doesn't matter. Cas simply is perfect.

While Cas kisses, sucks and HOLY HELL, gently bites Dean's neck, Dean's hands make their way to Cas' chest and his nipples.  
They don't need much touch, they are already harder than an angel blade. Dean loves that it doesn't take much to get such a reaction out of Cas' body. Yes, it is Cas' body, final and forever.

Distracted by Cas' nipples under his hands Dean skips to seconds or so. Suddenly Cas' mouis on Dean's nipples. Where did he learn to do that? Surely not in heaven. Although it feels like heaven.  
"Oh God Cas."  
"Dean, I'd appreciate it if you don't use his name."  
Dean can feel Cas smiling.  
"Fuck Cas! I'll try."  
"Better."  
Son of a bitch! That was smug,that was hot as hell. Cas has hidden talents that's for sure. Dean can barely wait to see what else Cas can do.  
Cas wanders up with his mouth to kiss Dean's lips. Dean gratefully accepts everything Cas wants to give and returns it.  
He takes the same route Cas took, kissing, sucking, gently biting Cas' neck down to his nipples. Cas moans louder.  
"Dean."  
The gravel voice sends shivers downstairs everytime Dean hears it.

Dean curses Cas' chest with his tongue. His hands move towards Cas' trousers, open the belt, unbutton it and zips down the fly. All in one smooth motion. He is absolutely surprised hoe easy ot all is since it's his first time with a dude.  
Cas does a similar move to Dean's Jeans but softly brushes over Dean's erection.  
"Holy mother!"  
"She has nothing to do with this." Cas says all serious.  
Dean chuckles. He never chuckled during sex. He loves it.  
"Cas, let's get up for a moment. I wanna get rid of those distracting clothes."  
"Mmmmmh."  
Both stand up in unison.  
"You sure Dean?"  
"Yes. Are you?"  
"I've been sure for eleven years, that won't change now."  
"Damn. I love you Cas."  
"I love you Dean."  
Now that was out too. It wasn't even hard. Although it's time to nurse the hard things in the room.  
Pants and underwear fall down, get kicked away. Everyone takes a good look. Then they kiss and fall to bed.

Hands are everywhere. When Cas squishes Dean's ass it's like a fucking miracle.  
"Hell Cas, I have to tru that." Momours Dean between hot passionate kisses.  
Cas' ass is firm, feels perfect in Dean's hands.

Both bodies slightly grind against each other, erections rubbing, it's the best feeling.  
Dean realizes there is the topic of how to perform the final step. Though nothing holds him back anymore. He is free, free to use his words.  
"Cas, how do you wanna do it? You can be inside of me or if you wish I'll be inside of you. I'd love both ways."  
"Bouth sound very appealing. Let it be you inside of me, I really wanna know how that feels. Next time we switch."  
That sends blood directly into Dean's dick.  
"We're going to need lube."  
"Right."  
A small tube magically appears from somewhere. Dean didn't know that Cas was still able to perform even such minor wonders.

Somehow Dean knows how to prep. Kissing, streaking Cas with one hand, probing Cas' entrance with his other hand. First he only runs the lube on the outside. Soon one of his fingers slides inside and damn that feels perfectly normal. From one finger to two to three in short time. Dean wondered if Cas somehow helps with his grace. Actually he doesn't care.  
"Dean I'm ready. Please be inside of me."  
Hearing the angel asking for that almost makes Dean come right there but he manages not to. He spreads lube on his dick and lines himself up with Cas' entrance.  
"Dean."  
"Fuck Cas."  
"Yhats the idea."  
Again Dean chuckles. He gently pushes himself all.the way in. Cas moans happily.  
"This feels so good Dean. Please move."  
Cas doesn't have to ask twice. Dean gently moves slowly in and our. Cas feels damn perfect around Dean. 

Dean can't help it, grabs Cas' twitching dick and streaks it.  
"Oh my. Faster Dean."  
Dean thrusts faster, streaks Cas faster. His grip on Cas gets tighter but in the best way.  
Dean can't tell who is enjoying this more, yheh are equal. This needs to happen again soon and it needs to be the other way around. Dean wants to know how this feels.

The thrusts speed up more, the moaning gets louder. Dean is close. He can feel Cas is close too. Inbetween his thrusts he gently streaks over Cas' dickhead, pumps him and the sound it pulls from Cas is all Dean needed.  
"My angel."  
He moans out while his load shoots inside of Cas. Cas follows just seconds later.  
"Dean!"

Dean kisses Cas softly afterwards. Both need a minute to come back to earth.  
"Awesome Cas, that was awesome."  
"I enjoyed it too. Thanks Dean. I hope that wasn't a one time thing."  
Dean understands where Cas is coming from with this.  
"Never! I'm done with those. It's you, only you. As long as I'm able to, it will always be you. I love you Cas!"  
"I'll make sure I'll have you for very very long. I love you too Dean."

Dean wonders why he had been so scared of all of this. There had been no reason at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not so happy with the smut, but obviously I'm not able to do better with it. It's been a while since I've written this story (well about two weeks or something) but I think imma leave it the way it is.


End file.
